please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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