So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
