If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
