my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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