smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
