Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
