I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
