I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
as a side note pls kill me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
