So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
