it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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