end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
