My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
