if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
ttyl tear gas
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
