Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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