It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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