He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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