I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
