I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
