I accidentally had phone sex last night
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
