Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
