I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
