He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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