look no pants
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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