dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You don't make any sense
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