I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
