speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
