Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
