I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
