She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
