it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
