I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
