her vagine was all disorganized.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my poor anus
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
