I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
