he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
