My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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