Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
