a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
