"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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