I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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