One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
