Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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