my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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