Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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