People with herpes should wear stickers.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
