Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
