It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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