and you said cock pushups were impossible
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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