I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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