A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
