# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
