So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
