Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
