we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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