Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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