my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
