Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
