apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
